The Ranch House, and a piece of pie please

Blog #4

Hmmm….The Ranch House.

The Ranch House diner/restaurant is a place that I pass every day to and from work, I bring this up because I am remembering the first time I stepped through those smoke encrusted doors……the ranch house is what you would call a local hangout or a real local hangout if it had a theme song it would be the soundtrack to Deliverance. The first time I went there, (I’ve been back 3 or 4 times since), was on a rainy Tuesday night in January of last year…It was open and I was curious. I stepped in and then back in time to the early 1970’s. There were the customary booths with the chain smoking old men in them. Men with names like Jasper and Casper and Billy JoeBob and they had their wimen with them by the way that’s not a misspelling they were Wimen when you smiled at them they proved the old adage that some women do play hockey…. without protection…helmets, pads, gloves and I would imagine even sticks.

The Ranch house has a long counter with floor mounted stools at the front of the restaurant where the over-under sit (what that means is that when you squeeze into a stool at the counter your gut either sits over or under the counter.) after squeezing into the stool a very large woman in a very old fashioned waitress outfit comes on over and hands me a menu/ To look at her one would think that this woman has worked on her feet for many years, and she was from the old country, no, not Fairfax. I found that her name was Gloria and she was from a little known town in Germany which would explain her heavy German accent. I asked her what was good and her reply “und pie is tasty” …hmmmm what the hell is a undpie? I realize that she is standing next to a pie case sitting on the counter behind her……now the placement of the pies in the case is what is important here. Against the back of the case was a Dutch apple pie next to it was a strawberry rhubarb pie followed by a pecan pie. In front of the apple pie was a Lemon Meringue pie with the really big whipped toping on top with one strange anomaly all of the topping seemed to be pushed toward the back of the pie hmmmm, not sure what’s up with that. “Gloria I’ll have a big ole slice of Apple pie please” “yah, dats good, alamody?” Uhhh alamody? Oh Ala Mode. Yes please.

Well Gloria reaches deep into the case and yanks out the biggest slice of apple pie I’ve seen in a long time and when she turns to hand it to me I realize that I’ve solved the mystery of the meringue movement because facing me were two little dollops of Meringue stuck to the front of Gloria’s uhhh, well, boobs…….Now Let me just say that I’ve been with a few women in my life of all shapes and sizes but never one with such large uhhh shall we say Hindenburg’s? (Oh the Humanity! J ) Here I am staring Face to Meringue, chowing down on some of the tastiest apple pie I’ve had in a long time but the question remains do I tell Gloria about her snow covered headlights…..or let her be? No worries though it seems she has done this quite a few times in the past because one of the other ladies brushed past her wiping down the girls with a dish towel…….mental note always inspect the placement of the Meringue Pie in relation to all other pies in the pie case before ordering…..I’m going to need to make a pie chart or something…..
Yikes look at the time gotta run!
I am sooooR5 today