Blog #6
Does anyone remember rock candy? Or sugar buttons? What about Garbage pail kids trading cards? Bit-O-Honey? Boston Baked Beans or even Razzles? What about the fake cigarettes and the multi colored cigars made of gum? What about fartyfarts? (whoops sorry that’s my nickname after one to many burritos at Don Pablos).
Where are those candies? I want them back! And, I don’t want to to go to some specialty website of foo foo candystore to get them either! It seems to me that M&M Mars has gotten way too big and is now monopolizing the sugared aisles that were near and dear to me growing up….
Hang on; we’re going on a tangent ride….
It was the aisle that when you were little and sat in the cool basket right next to the handle where mom would push the shopping cart up and down the aisles and she would always skip that one aisle that held the stairway to Mecca made out of Licorice whips, Laffy Taffy and Bottlecaps. I mean sure she would give the aisle the official cursorily glance and say “Nope don’t need anything down there” and quickly move onto the next aisle.
Now I know why you sit facing backwards in those shopping carts, no matter how fast you whip your little head around you could never get it fast enough to see eye to eye with the pixy stix display, instead you’re staring at the Alpo section…liver flavor. (Mental note why do they always put the pet food or toilet paper aisle on either side of the candy aisle? Those weenie heads!)
Have you ever noticed that all of those shopping carts when we were growing up were always so snug that you had to be a contortionist to get in and out of them? I finally figured out the reason why, If I could escape out of my little Attica prison when my mom wasn’t looking I would jump out of the seat and into the big cart tossing out all the foods that I can’t pronounce or had the word “lima” in them. I would proudly clear out the big cart to make room for the necessities in life: You know, Quisp cereal, and anything with coco or puffs in the name, and me being the rambunctious kid I was would empty a box of King Vitamin cereal place the empty box on my head like a crown pick up the loaf of wonder bread place it under my little arm like a bagpipe give it a big squeeze and make bagpipe sounds with my mouth while at the same time with my free hand I would unsheathe my Baguette from it’s bag and yell to no one in particular “For God and Country, Charge!” and do the wiggle dance where you try to make the cart move by gyrating your body…..of course as soon as I heard my mother I would scramble my mischievous little (yet cute) ass back up and over into that little seat as fast as I could!
I leave you with this over the years many a butt has sit in those seats….now where do you put your fresh fruits and veggies….makes ya think doesn’t it?
R2
Next up Morty gives himself a roller derby name
Morty
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